Not Alone Yet Always Alone
by DarkHybridChild
Summary: Two minds... Thoughts intertwining... What's going on? Why is the link widening? And why...are you leaving me? [EXEMangaBN mix, AU. Shounenai flags. EnzanNetto, BluesRock]


DHC: This fic was slightly inspired by another fic called "Us After This" But mostly this was all my thinking. I was wondering what would happen if Netto and Saito's link opened too widely, and caused their minds to begin merging, and how Crossfusion would affect it. And I stole a bit of Forte's thing (The Get Data ability) and note that this is heavily AU, i'm smushing the BN, Anime, and Manga together, with my own ideas thrown in. Everyone can inturpret all of this differently, as I have left it open for you all to do so. I am rather proud of this one, due to all the deep thinking I put into it to keep it in this POV. And note that where it seems it's one POV, It could be another's (Except at the end) And this will not be a happy ending. This fic is confusing so I will do my best to explain it. '...''s are like both of their thoughts in a way. /.../'s and -...-'s are basically them communicating through the link while their minds/body/souls are merging/unmerging. And everything else is their thoughts/actions and of course, "..."'s are them/others speaking.And as you know, there's hints and tags of shounen-ai in here, so be warned.So, without any other explanations, I'll let you read! Enjoy.

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I sighed, you sighed, too. I don't know, but on days like these, I just want to lie down and sleep it off, forget about the world and return to my isolation of dreams and the like. But... Hunger calls me and it doesn't look like I will be getting back to sleep any time soon.

Ne... This isn't good. Days like these I am afraid. Afraid, that, something might happen. A net attack, or something. Anything could happen and we'd both be vulnerable. While I cannot perform to my best on these days, nor can you. It's almost like, we're becoming one... 'Maybe not.' A thought interjects. 'I wonder if mama has any curry left over...' Another thought invades my mind. It frustrates me, but I dare not force them out. I may cause something to happen that could hurt us both. And while you go about looking for food, I try my best to be how I always am, calm, levelheaded, and polite. But it's becoming so hard, since your influence graces me almost constantly. It may frustrate me, but at the same time - It's welcome.

Gah! I need to stop thinking about this... No, wait... I'm not thinking this, that is you. You, not me. Me as in Hikari Netto, not my brother, Hikari Saito. I wish these things would stop happening. But it seems more and more it is. I don't understand... We don't use the link very often, do we? I mean, occasionally, but not all the time. It seems to be just there, and it seems to become wider and wider... it's like our minds are just... Argh! Stop! I am NOT thinking this! What was that...? Oh! Mama... Yes, mama, I do want some of that curry heated up. Bah, I don't care if it's not good to eat it for breakfast, I'm hungry and I want it! Please? Onegai, mama? Thank you! ...Wait, did I really say all of this? Is this just me, or are you reminding me? Oh, how I wish I could just go back to bed! Uh-huh. Yes, mama, I understand. And thank you... Itadakimasu...

Wait, how am I eating...? Netto-kun, why are you being so polite? ...I don't know... Argh! This is so annoying! Bah! I'd just love to go back and rest... "I wish this would stop..." "What are you saying, Netto?" Huh? I said that out loud? Wait, that wasn't me who said that... Oh no! I've done it again! I'm so sorry! Argh. No, no mama, I was just talking out loud, sorry... "I'm alright, I was just saying things out loud." You say... How is it that we can do this? Why...? My head is starting to hurt and I just want to scream. Or is it you that does? I don't know... I don't know anymore.

I'm fading... I don't understand it. I feel like I am. These thoughts are more of yours, than mine. Slowly taking over, I don't know how to stop it... No! Don't you dare! Together forever, remember? Neither you nor I am leaving! We're staying together or not at all. Best friends to the end, if you go, I'm coming too!

Huh? Oh, yeah. Thanks, mama, I'll go do that now... Meiru-chan and them at the park... Right... Can't forget. What, nii-san? "Be careful, Netto-kun, you almost fell down the stairs." You scold. I try my best to be who I am... Kami, this is so hard. "Right, sorry. Hehe... I guess I'm being careless. Oh kuso!" Itai...

Ow... That hurt, rubbing my head, I can feel it, a small bump. I told you to be careful, Netto-kun. 'But I was! I don't know how I didn't see it!' It doesn't matter now, we've got to get to the park, Meiru-chan and them want us to be there. What? Oh, yeah, can't forget Roll-chan and them, too. Gomen.. Ehh? Gomen, gomen Masa-san... Uh-huh... Sorry, I have to go, I'm really sorry, bye. 'I hate whenever he does that! It's just not fair!' Pouting... That's never one of my strong points, stop that Netto-kun! ...I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that... Watch out, Netto-kun. You've got company.

"Hikari." What? Oh... It's Enzan. Wait, Enzan-kun? What are you doing here? "O-ohayo, Enzan." What's he doing here? We're already late. Yes, yes, things are fine. I'm fine! Just, I'm having a bad day. 'Go away already!' No complaints there... What? O-oh... Buruusu-kun... "Rockman." W-what does he want? I wish they'd go away. "Blues..." You're frowning. Why? Oh, um... S-sorry Buruusu, I can't... We were on our way to meet the others. ...Hai. B-but... Netto-kun! Please... "Go away!" You step back, obviously unable to handle both things at once. Look out! Netto-kun!

Urrgh... Itai... What...? Oh, I fell... G-gomen, nii-san... What? Oh.. "I-I'm fine, Enzan-kun." Stop! why are we doing this? Why are you saying things I'm supposed to? "Just stop it..." "Stop what?" Eek! I... I did it again... I'm so sorry! Saito... I'm sorry... I can't control it for both of us anymore. I can feel those barriers cracking. What? Oh.. Nothing, nothing Enzan. Everything's fine. Don't worry. 'Besides, it's not like he'd understand.' ...You're right. ...O-oh... He's so close... I'm blushing... R-Rock! I don't blush! S-sorry! Eh?

Oh my... Enzan-kun... Why are you...? Oh... It feels so... Different, much more different... What? Buruusu... Wha-! Mm... So good... So nice 'Don't let it end...' It can't end... It shouldn't... Why... Bother...

..a...ah...mm...

...Oh! Kuso! A-ah... G-gomen, Enzan, I can't! ...Goodbye, Buruusu. Why did I let that happen? Why? Why? But, oh gods that was good. Kami-sama, it felt so good... That heat, the warmth, oh gods... Buruusu... Enzan... No! I can't think this! I won't let myself! We have to go to the park now. B-but... No! Demo... A sigh. Why are you so afraid to love? No one can find out, I know... But still, I know you, Netto-kun... Me? What about me? O-oh... I didn't mean it like that, Netto-kun... Stop. Stop. I don't care! Shut up! Please... Onegai... Just make it stop...

N-nani? A-anou... Meiru-chan... No. No, I'm fine. And you? Oh! Ohayo, Roll-chan. Yeah, we're fine. Why do you ask? N-na? You think something's wrong? W-why would there be? 'Leave us alone stupid bitch...' H-huh? N-no, that's okay, Meiru/Roll-chan, you go on ahead... Hai, hai, I'm fine... I'm just tired/hungry... Oh, okay.. If you insist...

Alarms. Oh no... Kuso! 'Don't swear, Netto-kun...' This isn't good, a net attack, HERE of all places. "Well, Netto-kun. Plug me in and I'll stop this." Nani? D-demo! Y-you can't! With the link-- "...O-okay... Puragu-in! Rokkuman.EXE, Transmission!" Be careful... Wait... We're always careful... Please, don't do anything reckless... G-gomen... 'Stupid influences...' ... "Battle chip! Barrier, slot-in!" Mmm... I'm worried... Why are they all being so cautious.. I'm sensing a trap.. Nii-san! No! Don't! "ARGH!"

Holding my head, it hurts, screaming, I can hear you, too. 'No... Gomen, forgive me...' Iie, it should be me who's sorry... No, no, it's not you fault.. E-eep! "Unison chip! Gyro Soul, slot-in!" Huh? Gyro Soul? Netto-kun... N-na? Y-you want me to... ... ... ...I understand... Okay, Oto-chan... "I hope this works..." "Battle chips, Fan, Wind, slot-in!" The propellers on my back extended and started... I sure hope this idea works... I trust you, Netto-kun... But.. Hai, Hai, I know... W-watch out!

Oof! Ugh... What the hell? Oh, s'you! Dammit! Sunayama, how nice of you to pay us a visit. You flinch, obviously not liking my sarcasm. 'This is bad...' What? Oh, heh. Like you and that dumbass navi of yours could harm us anyways! ITAI! Grr... You stay away from Meiru-chan! Uh-oh... Stay out of this, Enzan! I can handle it! ..N-nani? O-oh... Gomen... You averted your eyes, taking a dive towards the viruses there, slashing them to shred with your propellers. That has to be painful for them. If they even feel it, that is... So strange... Uh-oh, Watch out! It's Desertman!

I land, and you gasp. What? 'D-Desertman...' ... ... Leave Netto-kun out of this! "Go away you useless thing of a Navi!" Damn! We did it again! You gulp, taking a step back. "A-aquasword, s-slot-in!" Slash, stab, jump, flip, switch. That really had to have hurt... But who am I to care, anyways? Feh, useless if you ask me. Wait, no, not useless, pathetic. Argh! Stop it! Stop it, dammit! ...Kuso... 'Move, Saito!' I-It's too late!

SLASH

H-huh? Oh... My... God. Kami-sama, look at that! Holy hell, I didn't think that sandcastle of a Navi could end up like that! But who...? Blues/Buruusu! He... He saved me.. No, us. Had you been deleted, the link would be severed and I might die too... Oh, I feel lightheaded, calm down, Rockman, your programming's going haywire. O-oh... Huh? Why am I still here in the air? I should have hit the ground by now... Huh? E-Enzan? You...caught me? T-thanks... A-anou... "Shut up and get to work, Hikari. Where one Neo WWW member is, there's sure to be more." Makes sense... "R-right!" "Netto-kun.. Please be more careful." 'I could say the same for you...' Oh hell... Takeo Inukai and Saiko Rei are here... Oh...HELL NO! Enzan, don't you dare tell Meijin to send a Dimensional Converter!

WHAT? Enzan, are you crazy? A Dimensional Converter? No! ...If we crossfusion, our minds will merge even more and our thoughts will... Ohhh shit... We're screwed... Dimensional area up, and Viruses and Navi's appearing in the area... Oh shimatta. Mmm... I guess we have no choice... "Do it, Netto-kun..." You look hesitant, but nod, slotting chips into the P.E.T. "Synchro chip, slot-in!" Disappearing again... Fading... Becoming you. Argh! Pain... Is it supposed to hurt this bad? N-netto-kun... Pain... Hurts so much... Too many thoughts... Oh!

Argh.. Can't feel anything... Something's wrong... Nii-san? What's wrong? Aaahh! Pain... No! You're not leaving me!

Minds synchronizing...Body merging...

Data transmission...Uploaded.

Crossfusion...Complete.

What/Where? Who am I..? What am I/Netto/-/Saito/ What's wrong? "Hikari, A little help would be nice! Sometime today!" What? O-oh! Viruses identified. "Battle chip, Long blade, Wide blade." Data received, form shifting. "Hikari, no!" Whoever that is.. Shut them up! "Mind your own business!" Something's wrong... Oh well. Slash, cross-slash, stab, lunge, jump, dive, slash, block, defend, cut, reflect, cross-slash. There. Oh... Wait, what's this? "Get data... Processing... Data received. Abilities...Copied."

"Hikari... What?" I turned to him, gazing at him coolly. "Hikari...? Which one? What do you want, Enzan?" My voice seems to belate more then one tone... Strange... Why.. /Netto-kun.../ ...What? What was that/Netto./ Urgh... What? Saito... Who? What? All of these memories... They're not mine. /Netto-kun.../ Rock...? Nii-san...? 'Saito...' Where are you? Who are you? 'I'm right here.' /I'm you.../ What? How can this be? How can you be me when you're not! "Hikari? Hikari! HIKARI!" What? "Huh?" "Stupid. What did you mean?" Mean..? Oh... I.. Don't know...

"Whatever, those Neo WWW members have high-tailed it. The Dimensional Area should be shutting down soon. You should De-Crossfuse." De-Crossfuse? What..? You mean, I'm fused with something/Netto-kun.../ Stop it! Stop, stop, stop, stop, STOP! Stop invading my thoughts, my mind! 'It's our mind, Netto-kun...' No it's not/We're one.../ No! It can't be! "Synchronization rate at 800percent. Mind and Bodies merged completely. Data rate at 500,000,000." What? "Hikari! De-Crossfuse! If you continue to stay at that rate, your whole self will be merged completely!" "Which Hikari do you want, Enzan?" "What are you talking about? You're the only Hikari!" ... /Netto-kun.../ "No." "What?" "No, I'm not the only Hikari. There's us... Which do you want?"

We can't stay this way... 'I know.' But I want to... 'I know that, too.' Why/Because, Netto-kun... We're two different people, we couldn't live like this./ ...I don't care. "Hikari, stop playing games!" Sigh... "We're not playing, Enzan. There are two of us, two Hikari's. Decide which Hikari you want, before it's too late... Before we merge completely..." "You mean..." "I don't know."...Another sigh."...Netto. I want Netto." ... /See? We can't stay like this./ 'I know.' /Let go.../ 'I don't want to...' /Please... It's nice to be like this, but.../ 'I know.' "You want Hikari Netto?" "...Yes."

Data flow - Stopped.

De-Synchronizing...

System rate at 500percent and dropping...

Mind Duration at 300 percent, Crossfusion cannot be maintained...

Body separation commencing...

"Enzan..." "What...?" He looks so confused. Moving seems so hard while trying to destabilize our sync rates... /Netto/ 'If we can't stay together, I'm bringing you something you can share...' "Netto, What... Are you doing?" ... Smiles grimly. "Don't think about it. Just... Feel." ... /Netto-kun.../ So odd, I can feel two presences in him... Perhaps Blues can feel through it? ...So different from last time... Maybe it's because we're both here and they're both one... I think I may have moaned. /Netto-kun... Thank you.../ ... -Always, Saito...- Enzan/Blues... 'It's time.' ... 'I know. I can feel it.' /Goodbye, Netto-kun./ ... -Sayonara, Saito...-

System rate at 50 percent

Mind Duration at 500 percent, Separating...

Body separation...Complete.

Crossfusion - Terminated.

"Hikari... Netto. What? What was that for?" ...Small sigh. "Nothing. Nothing at all, Enzan." 'Don't lie to him, Netto.' "Rockman, you alright?" 'Not... Exactly.' "I'll be okay, Netto-kun... Just a little shaky." Too real... Too hard.. Why? Why did this have to happen? Why couldn't we...

Huh? Oh... Hello, Buruusu... Smile wearily. "You look different." I do? How so? '...He's right.' "Maybe I do. But it's worth it." "What is?" Mysterious grin. "Nothing, nevermind, Buruusu." Why not do something productive besides stare at me like I'm something in a Net Museum. "I could do that." He chuckled... It sounds so... Wait.. Had I said that out loud? Oh... Kami... S-stop looking at me like that... 'Careful, Nii-san... We can't...' I don't care, Netto... Not anymore... I can't give this up... It feels so... I don't know. '...' Sorry, Netto-kun... But oh, gods! I can't let go once I have it right infront of me, right in my grasp, so willingly, I just can't... And I wish I could give it up, I really wish I could. But ohh... It's too good... Too good to let go of.

"Nii-san..." 'Netto-kun, I'm sorr-' I don't want to hear it, don't want to feel it. I can't let myself... "Netto?" "Don't, Rockman, Just... Don't. Do what you want, it's fine. Just leave me out of it." "...I'm sorry, Netto-kun." And, he sweeps you away... Away from me, away from everything... And I've lost you. I've lost you to him, I've lost everything... "No you haven't." Huh? I said that out loud again? Whatever... "Yes I am. Maybe not physically, but emotionally, mentally, yes, I am. I'm not going to keep the link open anymore, it was almost too late. Our minds were already merging today through the link, the Crossfusion didn't help. Why thehell do you think I protested the Dimensional Area? I knew it would make it worse!" "...I..." "Nevermind. It won't matter anymore because the Link is closed, so it will be fine the next time." "Netto..." I knew it... No, I can't. Sigh. I wish I could, but I can't. "No, Enzan. Just leave it at this." "How can I?" ... He sighed this time, and it made me want t cry. But I can't, and I won't. And If I'm to fall, I won't take him with me. "I don't know... But you have to. I can't." "Why? Is it me?" "No! It's not you. It's me. My problems, I can't..." I can't tell him... Please, don't ask me... Please, please...

"I see. Whatever, I knew it, anyways." Ouch... This hurts... I don't want to hurt him.. But, what choice do I have? I can't let him in... "Enzan... I-" "Don't bother, Hikari. You said leave it, and I am." I winced... I wish I didn't have to do this, I really don't. But I don't think he'd understand, and I don't want to explain... It's too complicated and personal. A sigh. "Don't do this, Enzan..." "Do what? I'm not doing anything!" I won't cry, I won't cry, I WON'T CRY! ...Too late, I've cracked. "You know what I mean, Enzan... Don't seclude yourself again. Just because I... That I can't say it, can't admit it..." "What are you talking about?" ...Sigh. I can't do this, anymore. I may as well leave it at this and let things run its course. "...Nevermind, Enzan." I walk away. Walk away from everything I ever wanted - Ever needed. The person that promised me everything - The person that loved me.

I walked away from it all...

And I cried.

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DHC: Did you like it? Review, if you would. I'd appreciate it. My friend Rin says it's good, but I want other opinions. Thanks. I hope you enjoyed this, since it is really out of my normal style of writing. Well anyways, Ja!


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